IMPORTANCE: Before you teach your daughters, you need to train your sons.

Aug 17, 2019 by Arshi Tahir #Gender & Sexuality ,#Women Empowerment

With the liberation movement having reached its absolute height, it was a historic moment to watch the people of same gender celebrate the legalization of their union. For many, September 6, 2018 will remain forever etched into their memories.

The world watched with awe when the ‘section 377’ was removed from the Indian law. It was proved to be ‘irrational’ and pronounced ‘manifestly arbitrary’, as declared by the Chief justice of India.

Well, while the laws have been worked-upon for the homosexuals and Transgender, it often provokes you to check about one of one such category of ‘gender’ that still lies struggling for its self-worth. The women of India.

Now, before you ‘eye-roll’ and ‘yawn’ your distaste in the topic that has been much spoken about, nevertheless, sadly not much has been achieved in the so-called liberation of women in our country. Here, we are not talking about the ‘trouser-wearing’, ‘English-speaking’ and ‘working urban woman’ of India.

This is still a marginal percentage, if at all. While we have come a long way into the education of women and prevention of female infanticide, we still have a long road to travel. With the Nirbhaya case that occurred in Delhi on December 16, 2012; it was high time we as a nation checked upon what exactly is going on within our cultural mind-set.

We are one of the largest countries that worships and celebrates the ‘female deity’, but when it comes to the common women within our households, we have a hypocritical point of view. Let us take a closer look at the problem. While people travel long roads to bow-down upon a Goddess in a temple, you are terrified of a female having a mind of her own.

Surprisingly the massive problem of women is by the women themselves. Specifically, with the ‘mothers’ of our society. Now that we have approached a very sensitive chord of the human psyche, it might as well be elaborated. Mothers are the ultimate gifts of nature. They are pronounced as the top-most in the hierarchy of all religions and cultures. But, when a woman sitting on a pure position of a ‘mother’ does not manage to condition her sons in a right manner, we have a ‘live atom-bomb’ in the making. Here’s how.

Quite often, women being the ‘heart’ of the household, end-up dictating its norms as well. It is the mother of certain homes who believe in rationing of food according to gender. They believe, females do not have the requirement of either ‘good-quality’ food or having a hearty appetite.

Daughters are discouraged from demanding specific food items of their choices or even expressing their favorites, because, they should be able to ‘adjust’ in any which way. However, the same does not apply to the sons. From a male point of view in such a household, it settles into their mindset that a female is ‘sub-servant’, ‘sacrificing’ and ‘second-to’. He gathers that it is only ‘normal’ for a woman to stay at a place where she never is or was a priority ever.

The same applies in various other aspects of a household like education, clothes or even making your own choices.

For some strange reason, a female has been conveniently ‘pushed’ to a space of ‘sacrifice’ where it is expected and encouraged for her to swallow down her priorities when it comes to her ‘brothers’, ’fathers’, ‘sons’ and ‘Husbands’. Her self-expression or the desire of it is discouraged and often termed as ‘non-homely’ if she has any. Such a female is not fit for the society and somehow finds herself as a ‘taboo’.

The Indian males have been over-fed with a huge helping of ‘grandiosity’ where all their flaws are overlooked, and they surprisingly cannot be wrong. There are homes where the word-of-the-man is the ultimate one and he is meant to be served. For such a male, when he ventures into a space where, in his blurred view, finds a woman inappropriately dressed, outspoken or even opinionated; it becomes his duty to ‘correct’ her.

Sometimes such ‘correctional services’ extend to a point where she is brutalized both physically and psychologically. Such events occur in numerous homes, where a woman is belittled for having an identity of her own, because she is simply supposed to ‘worship’ her man and that is the end of it all.

In the fast-paced world of today where we are experiencing huge cultural leaps, it is worth slowing down had checking where it all began. Somewhere we still are where we started. The problem somehow is not the Indian man but the Indian ‘woman’. It is important to understand that it is the woman who nurtures a man in her son. It is she who conditions his mind-set and trains him to be what he ultimately ends-up being.

So, dear women of my country, before you teach your daughters how to be ‘good women’, you need to train your sons to be the man he ‘needs’ to be.

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